Advice
by Phases Of Obsession
Summary: Maureen goes to her dad for relationship advice. Little did he know what he was really telling his little girl...-MoJo


Well, hi. This is the first thing I've ever posted, so I hope you like! I got it from the first sentece prompt, "Dad gave me a wink, like we were pals or something." I just took it from there and this is what showed up.

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Dad gave me a wink, like we were pals or something. I guess I should have never asked him for advice. I mean he married my mother, how smart could he be?

The only reason I went to him instead of my big sis, Darcy, is that Darce would've wanted _every single detail_. I may not give a shit about what other people think of me, but I care about her opinion. Plus she would tell Mom and I'd be grounded for two weeks.

So instead I went up to Dad, who was doing paperwork at the kitchen table, turned on the charm, and said, "Um, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, MoMo-Mouse. What do you wanna talk about?" he replied, his voice open and friendly. He had a good day at the office. Which was perfect for me.

"It's this person…"

"_Oh_." I could tell he was scared. Never thought your little girl would come to you for relationship guidance, eh Daddy dearest?

"This person is the most incredible, hot, gorgeous, amazing person I've ever met-Also smart! straight A student with honors. But I'm not expected to like said person. We're just…different." Well that was a lie. It was what we _did_ have in common that was so weird; both of our driver's license had, "SEX: F", boldly written on them.

"So? Who cares, honey?" Ugh, he used 'honey'. The only affectionate term I like for him to use is MoMo-Mouse, but that's only because of my childhood obsession with Mighty Mouse.

"Everyone at school, my friends, the person's friends!" Not to mention _him_. Wonder if he realized that he was giving me GIRL advice?

"Well if they were really your friends they would be completely supportive of you and 'the person', if they're not, who cares? You don't need them anyhow."

"Eh, but also I really don't think the person even likes me back, and even if said person did, they'd be afraid to show it, like, for the same reasons I am."

"Again, if they truly cared about you, they wouldn't care. Plus, do you _know_the person doesn't like you? Maybe they're secretly admiring you from afar just as you are him." Haha, he went all poetic on me. Then used 'him'. You wish!

"If I were you I'd become friends with him first-you said he was smart; maybe he can tutor you-then tell him your feelings. Either he'll have them back or he won't, and even then you've made a good friend in the process." It wasn't bad, actually pretty decent. Even though the way he kept calling Joanne a 'he' was a little strange to hear.

"I might just do that. Thank you Daddy!" I said, give him a hug around his neck. Then that stupid go-get-'um-tiger wink. Man, if he only knew what he just told his daughter! He pretty much instructed her on how to get her first lesbian lover. Because my charm plus his plan equals Joanne. After all, Joanne was a lesbian (known Hicksville High fact: Joanne Jefferson, Fredrick Trumper, Adam Leo, Rick Stewart, Kate Queenie, Annie Crystal, and that foreign exchange student Fiyero-something were the open homosexuals of the Junior student body), and my charm could probably swing her my way even _if_ she was straight.

Now the one problem I'm facing is my family; Dad I'll understand but won't be a happy camper, Mom might just disown me (not that's the worse thing in the world; she's annoying), and Darcy will ridicule me to the end of the century.

Not that she's a homophobe, no. Actually she once helped her friend Ritchie stay in the closet by covering as his girlfriend. Even though it didn't turn out well (Ritchie ended up getting sent to a boot camp and Darcy lost her lab partner), she still _tried _to help!

"Maureen," Mom says from the doorway. "There's a Joanne Jefferson on the phone for you."

Why on earth had I asked Dad for help when I had already given her my number?

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Did you like? Well than review! Constructive criticism accepted and appreciated. No flames, please.


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